Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
