Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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