Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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