he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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