If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
