glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
