its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
4 words: hood of his car
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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