***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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