I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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