it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
