my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
