so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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