apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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