i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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