she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
