i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
