How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
