Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
