Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
