You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
