saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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