I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
