my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
