I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
