Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
