I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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