dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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