I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
