drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
