WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
