so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
