I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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