So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
