...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
