Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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