i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
