all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
