I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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