Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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