You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
