I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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