Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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