My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
