We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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