woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
