you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
