I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
