I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
