He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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