Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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