remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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